Scatter My Ashes Where?

bergdorfsSecond semester has rolled around as I’m sure you all know, but just like a new semester I have begun to have new thoughts about my career path. Better yet, I have been contemplating my career path. My mind is all wrapped up in thoughts about the future and it’s hard for me to stay focused on the present. I completely understand that the program I am in now is a great one to be in, but what if I wanted to transfer to one of my choices whether that be an art school in Philadelphia or New York to become an art director?  Or maybe I want to take a more concrete path and try becoming a Dental Hygienist or Veterinarian. Regardless, I need certain classes to transfer to one of these options and right now I don’t believe my current studies can do that. I’m a tad hesitant though to switch, I don’t want to mess up anything or get people confused or angry by switching… (That’s for sure one of my flaws, “people pleasing”.)

I just have so many hopes and dreams I can never get my thoughts together. Recently, I watched a movie on Netflix called “Scatter My Ashes at Bergdorf’s” Now if you don’t know what Bergdorf’s is… well, shame on you! Bergdorf’s is just the first half of Bergdorf Goodman, which is a department store in New York City. In this movie they talked about the history of the building and the Bergdorf and Goodman families. Upon feasting my eyes on the gorgeous Louboutin heels and Michael Kors dresses, I fell in love with my love for fashion all over again. Don’t you think that means something? Or does it not? This is the constant battle I have with myself. Do I just love it or is it the path I should take. I mean I love food but I know for sure I don’t want to take that route. I have an unpleasant job in my past to thank for that.

As the movie went on, I admired the scenery of New York City so much I felt as if my heart melted for it. A women named Linda Fargo appeared and she is known as the “eyes of Bergdorf’s” or so I’ve read, yet I do believe it’s true. As Senior Vice President at the luxurious store, she is “responsible for spotting trends and shaping the visual identity of the storied and opulent New York department store,” says the Business of Fashion website. The job she or any fashion guru, art director, photographer, journalist excites me but also scares me half to death!  That’s when I start to think about possibly dentistry or becoming a vet. I can still be the trendy fashionista that I am, especially when I would be making a good living to treat myself in that way, let myself indulge in the fashion industry even if I’m not exactly in it, in it. Does that make sense?

To help people or animals would be amazing! I have come to believe that my nature is to nurture. To take care of others whether it’s on their teeth or furry belly’s. Another thing that puts a wrench in my thoughts is I have these visions of my future living in the suburbs, me working the 9-5 as well as my husband and then coming home and enjoying their company. I adore those thoughts because I do want a job where I can come home at 5 or 6 at night and have a meal with my loved ones. Heck maybe living on a large amount of land with our chickens and horses. But hey, it’s not like I couldn’t do my writing on the side, maybe even start my own blog?

Have I lost you yet? I bet while reading this you’re just as confused as I am — trust me, I get it. I have a long way to go before I finally decide on what path I am going to take whole heartedly. At least I only have to pick between 3, and not 5 or 6 anymore, right?